Election Day, hooray! For what a magical day of the year!

I'm early to the party, fuck you.

No, I don't mean I voted early; what do you take me for? I mean the election hasn't happened, and it certainly isn't 'Election Day'.

"But, Phillip," you might be asking yourself, "why are you explaining to this to me like I'm a moron?"

I don't know, sorry about that, I guess.

However, these 'Historic Elections' are almost upon us... Two years in the making and finally, fucking finally, whichever of the two chumps the majority of this idiotic country decides will lead us poorly for the next four years will be decided.

I've heard the rhetoric from both sides.
Obama is a one man Al Qaida Terror Cell; McCain is a cenobite.
Sarah Palin isn't prepared to run this country; Joe Biden is certifiably insane.

You know, I get it. I see what both sides are trying to tell me. "Hey, you, Independent Minded voter, hey come over here, check this out. You know how, like, I'm running this campaign here, trying to be the President, and all that, you know? Well check this obvious fact: my opponent says you're gay."

I guess maybe I'm burnt out on our entire political process. Neither candidate answers questions thoughtfully, it's just bile spewing from the their lips, in the form of overly rehearsed and conducted talking points. I watched one of the McCain interviews, a bit of it, and the dude asked him what he DID plan to do about the economy. McCain responded by explaining how Sarah Palin ignited the Republican base, and how that base disagrees with Mr Obama on his economic choices, and how that isn't what he plans to do. Well what DO you plan to do?

So, in my political research here (mostly done on Wikipedia), I've discovered something that I believe America can truly get behind. A Centrist political party, which, like Festivus, is for the rest of us:

The Modern Whig Party

Yes, America, that's right, the Whigs. The Party that brought you Presidents Zachary Taylor and, my personal favorite, William Henry Harrison. They're back, and more un-intimidating than ever.



this blog paid for by the committee to re-elect the re-animated corpse of Andrew Jackson.